Today, it’s a much different story. My wife has her own account and I have mines. What began as the desire to be there for one another has now become “It’s my money” to do as I please; get your own.”
Here’s the story on how we got here.
Finding a good job has been next to impossible. The market has created few new jobs opportunities over the past few years and many experienced employees and new college graduates have been unable to find job offers. Personally, after graduating with my Bachelors of Science has yield very small opportunities and much of my work has come from temporary employment. Almost five years after graduating I still find myself struggling to find a job that pays me a livable wage. For those of you who don’t know what constitutes a ”livable wage” a livable wage allows one the ability to care for their responsibilities, such as student loans, house notes, car payments etc...
My financial strain that started off as a team building exercise has now created frustration between wife and me. It has also left my wife begging the question of
“When? “ “ When are you going to take on some of this burden of every day expenses? “
My ego at work
Like a lot of couples today men are finding themselves in similar situations where wives have become the main earner in many households. This shouldn’t be a problem since in theory husbands and wife are supposed to work together, channeling their efforts if ultimate effectiveness is the goal. In reality, the sad truth is; money issues and who earns the money can make the difference in a successful marriage and a marriage where partners struggle to overcome challenges.
Many of the concerns begin to take shape in the relationship when verbal abuse is used to define the partner’s displeasure with the other. This verbal abuse can begin with the simple question “What did you do today” the question many women ask men after they’ve worked and the man is at home. Questions like these almost always lead to disagreements since in many instances it infers that nothing was done while the spouse was away. At first, most men will attempt to answer the question but the longer the man is out of work the more this question becomes offensive. Avoidance begins to take shape and men in many of these instances will find themselves agitated easily and often become very argumentative. The simplest concerns can change the tone of the conversation leaving the husband feeling attacked or put down for not being the main earner. In other instances (men) may isolate themselves or occupy their time doing task unrelated to any specific need. This allows the ego of the male to feel worthwhile by creating the appearance that the man is making a contribution to the household. There are other signals that men display when their ego is bruised by not contributing. The list is quite long and partners [wives] should be aware of each sign and continue to be supportive until the situation changes.
On the other hand men should recognize their feelings of inadequacies and understand that monetary achievements do not essentially define their worth as men. Men should do their best to keep it all in prospective until they can find gainful employment and contribute more to the household financially.
If you feel confused about which steps to take to improve the handling of bruised egos couples should seek professional services or the advice of their Life Coach.
The Life Coach-Adam C. Winston
09/23/11
