Sunny Delight

Most people know that communication is essential to solving or conveying  information. Information that provides insights about ones wants or needs. Instinctively, even as babies with no understanding of language messages from the sender lets the mother know if something is wrong. This method of communication would be considered nonverbal since the receiver must convey the meaning of senders message.

Opportunities to improve  how we communicate are every where, still so many people find themselves struggling to find effective means to reach others.

At home, in order to make certain that the household  functions  effectively many parents have turned to post-it notes that they put on the refrigerator to keep track of their child’s happenings or their spouses whereabouts. About relationships, coaches all over the world would tell you that effective communication skills are vital to most successful partnerships. Don’t take my word for it, attend any relationship counseling session and quickly you will notice that most modern day methods explain the importance of being able to speak the language of your mate if you want to find success in your relationships.   

  

Despite the importance of communication and so much emphasis being place upon the importance of learning your partners love language most people fail the test when their communications skills are finally put to the test.

How could this be in a world where we know how important communication is in most of our relationships with others?

Lets explore.

In my experience the first breakdown of  most communication begins with the  listeners’.

If you can't listen or pick-up non-verbal clues in the communication process you won't have the ability to translate what's being presented in order to respond appropriately.  

Let’s try it:

Person 1: I’ve been working all day and my feet are tired.  What are you doing? Can you take the baby so I can get some rest, I’m tired!

Reading this conversation on paper already changes how this piece of communication is interpreted which identifies another key factor to the communication process. If the person stating the sentence above could only read their sentences first, the reaction from the unsuspecting victim of this tone might have better prepared for what person 1 is really saying.  

Person 1 is really saying you’re not doing anything of importance and I’m tired so make yourself useful and take this baby. Person 1 might as well add on to the sentence, “You dead beat”.  

Now, I know many might say you shouldn’t read into the sentence since that’s not what was said, however, from where I’m sitting there is only one way to read this sentence and that is that person 1 feel that whatever person 2  isn’t doing anything of importance. Depending on the day, the number of times person 2 felt insulted might determine if an argument will come after. 

How might Person 2 respond? Let’s take a look:

Person 2: OK…I was doing something right now but I’ll stop to help you out. Sorry your feet are hurting. 

Person 2 isn’t totally off the hook since he claims to be helping out the spouse instead of taking on the role of a partner.  A better response would have been: “I will be there shortly to get the baby”.

The above example is of two people communicating, however ineffective. Instead of inferring that person 2 wasn’t doing anything important person 1 could have respected whatever person 2 was doing and ask him to help at his first available moment.

Equally, Person 2 should recognize that they are not helping the mate with an exclusive role but doing what they can to help their partner which leads to a more successful relationship.  

Adam C Winston

thelifecoach@adamcwinston.com

The Life Coach-Adam C. Winston: Time Dilation-Tired of Being Treated Like a Child

The Life Coach-Adam C. Winston: Time Dilation-Tired of Being Treated Like a Child: The Life Coach-Adam C Winston Time Dilation-Tired of Being Treated Like a Child Often children and parents have two very different ideas ...

Time Dilation-Tired of Being Treated Like a Child

The Life Coach-Adam C Winston

Time Dilation-Tired of Being Treated Like a Child 

Often children and parents have two very different ideas of time. My reason for saying so is right now I could ask my children to clean the kitchen after dinner which should be a simple process. However, without a reminder before I go off to bed will leave me waking up to an untidy kitchen. And when I ask why, the excuse will be they thought that I meant later in the week not that night. How can this happen? I often ask, but as I look back on my own childhood I remember being faced with the same disconnect between teenaged Adam and my parents.

To deal with time dilation parent should keep in mind their own experiences while a child and use these experiences to navigate through difficulties often associated with what I term time dilation.

In physics, time dilation is the observation that another's clock is ticking at a slower rate as measured by one's own clock. Parents of young and teenage children should be aware of this when dealing with their children since in many instances teenagers may feel that “it’s taking forever” to earn more privileges from their parents. Most teenagers want to be treated more like a young adult instead of an irresponsible child and parents can use this desire to get their children to take on more responsibilities around the home.

On the other hand as a parent with much responsibility can also be impacted by the effects of time dilation every time Christmas arrives. Nowadays Christmas feels like it arrives every six months instead of every 12. Both examples identify how time demands can delivery different perspective depending on ones maturity and the number of responsibilities one has in life.

Parents should spend more time recognizing signals in their children that identify symptoms of impatience. Often these signs can be revealed when the child ask when they can have a girl or boy friend. Girls may change how they dress showing more of their assets. Boys might wear sports coats instead of tradition youth clothing.  Although this is somewhat normal behavior if left unchecked teenagers may rush into experiences they aren’t ready to handle.

In closing time dilation is not a major concern in most instances and provides parents with a fascinating look into the minds of their children. By spending more time with your love ones and expressing the importance of enjoying the moment will help parents explain to their children that they will be grown soon enough-and to enjoy their childhood.

The Life Coach-Adam C Winston

My wife makes more money

 I was still in college when we meet.  I’m talking about my wife. At the time, unlike me, my girlfriend had a full time job and was able to help me a little when I got behind in my responsibilities. I never tried to lean on her too much since I felt as a man it was more my responsibility to care and take care of her. However, she reassured me of her expectations and seemed to understand my struggle since she too once upon a time was a college student. She was very supportive when I’d tell her that I had no money to take her out on a date and again expressed her expectation of me at the time, which was to hurry up and finish school. Then not only could I pay for lunch I could also pay for dinner. Her understanding furthered my growing since many of our conversations hinged on a long-term commitment for us as a couple. As I look back on those times its amazing how in the beginning of our relationship we acted more like a couple than we do now; married for four years.

Today, it’s a much different story. My wife has her own account and I have mines. What began as the desire to be there for one another has now become “It’s my money” to do as I please; get your own.”

Here’s the story on how we got here.

Finding a good job has been next to impossible. The market has created few new jobs opportunities over the past few years and many experienced employees and new college graduates have been unable to find job offers. Personally, after graduating with my Bachelors of Science has yield very small opportunities and much of my work has come from temporary employment. Almost five years after graduating I still find myself struggling to find a job that pays me a livable wage.  For those of you who don’t know what constitutes a ”livable wage” a livable wage allows one the ability to care for their responsibilities, such as student loans, house notes, car payments etc...

My financial strain that started off as a team building exercise has now created frustration between wife and me. It has also left my wife begging the question of

“When? “ “ When are you going to take on some of this burden of every day expenses? “

My ego at work

Like a lot of couples today men are finding themselves in similar situations where wives have become the main earner in many households.  This shouldn’t be a problem since in theory husbands and wife are supposed to work together, channeling their efforts if ultimate effectiveness is the goal. In reality, the sad truth is; money issues and who earns the money can make the difference in a successful marriage and a marriage where partners struggle to overcome challenges.

Many of the concerns begin to take shape in the relationship when verbal abuse is used to define the partner’s displeasure with the other. This verbal abuse can begin with the simple question “What did you do today” the question many women ask men after they’ve worked and the man is at home.  Questions like these almost always lead to disagreements since in many instances it infers that nothing was done while the spouse was away. At first, most men will attempt to answer the question but the longer the man is out of work the more this question becomes offensive. Avoidance begins to take shape and men in many of these instances will find themselves agitated easily and often become very argumentative.  The simplest concerns can change the tone of the conversation leaving the husband feeling attacked or put down for not being the main earner.   In other instances (men) may isolate themselves or occupy their time doing task unrelated to any specific need.  This allows the ego of the male to feel worthwhile by creating the appearance that the man is making a contribution to the household.  There are other signals that men display when their ego is bruised by not contributing. The list is quite long and partners [wives] should be aware of each sign and continue to be supportive until the situation changes.

On the other hand men should recognize their feelings of inadequacies and understand that monetary achievements do not essentially define their worth as men. Men should do their best to keep it all in prospective until they can find gainful employment and contribute more to the household financially.

If you feel confused about which steps to take to improve the handling of bruised egos couples should seek professional services or the advice of their Life Coach.

The Life Coach-Adam C. Winston

09/23/11

Welcome to the Life Coach- Adam C. Winston

The Life Coach-Adam C. Winston

 Welcome to the Life Coach blog written by Adam C. Winston a professional self-proclaimed coach and motivator. Providing self-improvement coaching for those individuals wanting or needing professional guidance or insight about important decisions that may affect their lives. Clients who use my service come to me no matter what the situation, be-it positive or negative seeking advice and insight. Since life is full of mysteries it is true I don’t have all of the answers to life’s many questions however, what I do have is a deep sense of others, many world experiences and much more which translates into the ability to use a non-basis voice that offers my others a fresh perspective.

This blog is intended to provide insight on various topics on the mind and hearts of those followers’ visiting this blog. This blog will include topics that I believe are relevant to the world and our lives as a whole. Some of the topics might raise an eyebrow or two however, instead of getting offended try and understand the perspective of others and use this forum as a means to express meaningful conversation and gain a deeper sense self while we help others.

Keep in mind; I will use the word “whole” a lot in this blog since as a “whole” we are connected. And as a “whole” is the only we can gain a sense of who we are.

As a “whole” includes individuals, partners, and marriages, be-it professional or a social setting; all are important to our existence. All of which, (meaning the world and all things within it) are connected and impact how we interpret each relationship we have with others as well as how we respond to each other as individuals.

As a professional life coach, Adam C. Winston uses an action approach during his counseling sessions this has proved time and time again of its benefits. Action coaching offers clients real steps to use for personal enlightenment that include many traditional processes used by many therapist, but the personal motivation that comes from a coaches perspective.

If you feel out of touch or isolated from others, or believe that the relationships you have with others leave you feeling empty or void of a real connection you have come to the right place. If you want a competitive edge in life and seek to stay relevant you have come to the right place. I look forward to building a relationship with you, as you will surly build a relationship with me.

Welcome to The Life Coach-Adam C. Winston.